It’s late. Like, really late. You’ve been staring at the computer screen for hours and OH MY GOD DID THAT CAT JUST TALK? Oh phew, no that’s just your brain misfiring. Maybe it’s time to go to bed. But maybe it’s also time to let your delirium take hold and just do some full-on sleep deprivation tripping.
The Photo Shoot
Put one of the victim’s hands in their pants. In their other hand, place any publication that isn’t usually considered porn. (Hint: any obscure hobby or children’s magazine should yield hilarious results.)
Call the victim’s parents and share their most incriminating stories. If you’re really trying to make someone feel ashamed, this is the most direct route possible. No point beating around the bush.
Take off their clothes and paint their body so they blend in seamlessly with the background. Now they’re just somebody that you used to be awake with.
Fly on the Wall
Tape them to the wall inside a duct tape “cocoon.” Make sure to leave air holes. Unless you really don’t like the person.
Put a bloodied dog collar and a ski mask in their pockets. When they wake up, tell them tearfully that a drunk maniac in a mask killed your puppy last night. See how long it takes them to confess.
Set up a bunch of fake Twitter accounts and bombard the victim with furious complaints about their offensiveness and insensitivity. When they wake up they’ll be forced to wonder, “What did I do?” Keep reading
you know a text post has made it to the big time when it gets stolen by twitter parody accounts
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while you know how easy it can be to fall into a routine of the same old, same old. Keep things hot by mixing it up with these fun and unique ideas:
- Try new activities together. Usually spend Friday nights watching movies on the couch? Try out a new activity together like bowling, mini golf or eating a new type of cuisine on your next date. Getting out of your comfort zone as a couple is not only fun but will bring you closer together too.
- Spend time apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so spend time with other groups of friends. You’ll look forward to seeing each other afterwards and have lots to talk about. Being apart makes you appreciate being together.
- Look your best. It’s great to be comfortable around your partner, but after a while it’s easy to let yourself go. Too many nights in wearing sweats and an old t-shirt can send the message that you just don’t care as much as you used to. Try dressing up a little and putting a bit more care into your appearance the way you did when you were first trying to catch their eye. You’ll feel hotter and they’ll definitely notice.
“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings condemning them to spend their lives in search for their other halves.”
~Plato’s The Symposium.
This is just legitimately sad.
and this is why i’ll never meet my circle.
i’m guessing it’s on another country or even continent
I saw this post and smiled with the cursor hovering over the heart button. But then I remembered.
I’m a twin.
I didn’t win.
It was a draw.
Reblogging for ^
Biology time: Actually none of us won the race. Other sperm made it there before us but weren’t able to penetrate the egg you could say they weakened the egg’s shell for us, the opportunistic sperm to go in. So I’m sorry to say OP that you did not win this race either.
I didn’t get this joke until I was 16.